Splendour in the Grass - Fashion Checklist - Male Edition

Ladies aren't the only ones to get involved with trends on the field. Men also take the chance to trade in their beanies and board shorts for some more outlandish fair. Donning brightly coloured tie-dye shirts and animal onesies for the weekend, it seems some fall victim to the infinite world of fashion choice.

Click here to download the PDF of your very own Festival Paper Doll to cut and fold into your favourite fashion attire and scroll below for detailed descriptions.

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1) Beard

Where to begin with the old facial hair? As far as festival life savers go, this is a king amongst men. A place to store food for ‘ron, a way of keeping half of your face both warm AND sunburn free, a way of affectionately tickling the neck of ladies one might court mid mosh...the possibilities of this festival fashion are endless. I’ve even heard, when matted, they become a suitable substitute for flotation devices. Gentlemen, shavers down.

2) Plaid Shirt

It’s a little known fact that within all young men exists a lumberjack just yearning to bust out of that polyester Politix suit and chop some shit down. While splendour is not the place to be wielding about an axe or chainsaw, it is a place surrounded with many a tree that often threaten to over excite one's inner lumberjack. A plaid shirt is thus the safe, festival appropriate compromise between Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Wolf of Wall Street.

 

3) Bucket Hat

You know that beardless part of your face susceptible to burn, cold and well… not as adequate at storing food as the bearded part? A bucket hat resolves all these issues. Throw a hamburger under it and you’re good to go! When you're done with it, please return to Jim's mowing ASAP, if not before.

4) Slogan T-shirt

At best, men are, well, men of few words. With all the loud noises, pretty shiny things and lost participants of The Denim Diaper convention wandering about, those men of few words, often become men of no words. Slogan T-shirts are a way of demonstrating that, despite your current inebriated, thoroughly distracted state, you remain a literary-mind man, partial to conversations regarding inspecting female bodies and who is indeed with stupid.

5) Coloured Plastic/Reflective Wayfarers

While the nights are cold and dark, the Splendour sunshine is often harsh, so you're going to need some shades. Remember, you're not on Phuket Beach where this blinding, fluoro eyewear would cost less than 100 Baht. You're in Byron, where fluoro colours are a thing of hallucinogenic dreams not needed in broad daylight. Just like rainbow roads and real love.

6) Tie-Dye T-shirt

A tie-dye shirt is the perfect way to show you've made the transition from big-city corporate into joining Byron's great search for Lucy In The Sky Diamonds. However, beware. You're about 50 years too late and Woodstock's hippy fantasy has been deluded by phone-charging lockers and VIP toilets. Also, if people are looking up for Lucy, how will they see your questionable swirl of primary colours?

7) Animal Onesie

Look, sometimes we forget who we are. We forget our values, our morals, our dreams, our desires. Most Saturday nights I forget my address, my phone number and the fact that a wallet is worth holding onto. Some, however, take it one step further and forget what species they are. Like the urban myth of that boy who took too much acid one day and henceforth greeted the day as a sunflower (admit it, you’ve heard it too), some come to Splendour and mentally check out. They toss in the human world and become cows, dinosaurs and chickens out to frolic in the fields for 3 days straight. These people will be wearing animal onesies… Come to think of it, maybe they mentally checked out before Splendour.